


Each breath tasted sweeter

by mistilteinn



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Magnus Bane, Confident Alec Lightwood, Explicit Sexual Content, Insecure Magnus Bane, Jock Alec Lightwood, M/M, Shy Magnus Bane, Top Alec Lightwood, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-16 19:24:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18697690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistilteinn/pseuds/mistilteinn
Summary: In which Magnus is very shy and Alec is very not. Somehow they fit together anyway.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this [tweet. ](https://twitter.com/maggieisntcool/status/1046801675946795008?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.buzzfeed.com%2Fcaseyrackham%2Fcollege-student-jokes-tweets)
> 
> i'm almost done with the second part. with any luck, it'll get posted later today.
> 
> (title from Walt Whitman's "When I Heard at the Close of the Day")

Magnus pulls up the collar of his jacket, shivering against the cold wind, and glares at the man in his way. Truthfully, he doesn’t want to be at this lame college party any more than this guy wants to let him in, but here he is, and this dude is just not budging.

“Seriously, I just need to come in for a minute.” He tries again, teeth chattering slightly. The man simply frowns at him over his pretentious clipboard, and Magnus savagely thinks that there isn’t even anything written on it before he continues. “I have to get my homework. Clary invited me! You know her? Clary Fairchild?”

“Hm, yeah, I know her.” The guy smiles at Magnus, and his heart starts to rise in his chest, hopeful.

“But I don’t know you, and that’s where the problem lies.”

_Asshole._

The guy keeps talking, and Magnus resists the urge to smack the stupid self-satisfied grin off of his stupid face. “See, there’s no guarantee that you’re not going to come in here and start trouble, and I just can’t be responsible for that kind of risk.”

Magnus takes a deep breath and is trying to think of reasons not to prove this dude right when someone comes up behind him in the doorway. Someone tall.

“Hey Raj, you’re letting all the warm air out. What’s the problem here?” Magnus’s heart stutters in his chest at the taller man’s hazel eyes, expressive eyebrows, artfully mussed hair. He swallows, eyes wide, when the man turns to look at him and smiles, a curious spark alighting in his gaze.

The douchebag _\- Raj -_ stutters out, “I - I don’t know this guy, I can’t let just anyone in -”

“I think I know this one. I’ll be responsible for him.” The taller man cuts in smoothly and smiles again, and Magnus thinks that he might just die right here on the trashy doorstep to this trashy house party.

The tall man lightly shoulders Raj aside and holds out his hand, and Magnus’s heart actually flutters in his chest. He stares at it for a beat before his brain starts up again, and he jumps, takes it, and follows him in, too flustered to gloat properly at Raj, who is now standing off to the side and looking rather forlorn.

“Can I take your jacket? I’m Alec, by the way.” Alec turns to him in the foyer, hand out and brow raised, an uneven, flirty smile on his lips.

“I’m, um, Magnus. Bane.” Magnus feels his face heat up and breaks Alec’s intense gaze, looking down and shrugging his jacket off of his shoulders. Alec takes it from him and steps into his space, crowding him against the wall.

Magnus’s heart starts pounding in his chest and he’s surprised, but he lifts his face all the same, inhaling the warm, masculine scent of sandalwood and something else. His eyes dart down to Alec’s plush mouth and he parts his lips, hoping against all of his usual reservations that Alec is as forward as he appears to be.

Alec steps back after a second and Magnus feels disappointment all the way down to his bones. He turns to see that Alec has just hung Magnus’s jacket on a hook in the wall, and he flushes, mortified at how ready he was to kiss a man he’s barely said two words to.

A familiar voice speaks inside of his head and he wills it away, tries not to listen. _Slut,_ it says, and he drops his gaze to the ground, hands shaking. _You never change,_ it continues, _always ready to spread your legs for the first person in the room who smiles at you._

Alec steps closer, pulling him from his reverie. Magnus swallows, heat creeping up his neck, and watches Alec with wary eyes, telling himself that Camille isn’t here - it doesn't matter what she thinks of him.

Alec speaks in a low voice, looming over Magnus, speaking into his ear in order to be heard over the crowd of people in the next room. “Can I get you a drink, Magnus Bane?”

“Um, okay,” Magnus answers after a second, mouth moving independently of his mind. He had intended to make up some excuse about needing to grab the study guide from Clary and leave, but something’s shifted inside of him. He doesn’t want to go back to his dorm room and stew in his memories.

His knees shake a little bit when Alec looks pleased and rests a large hand on his shoulder briefly, says “stay right here,” before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

Magnus knows that he couldn’t leave if he wanted to, and spots Clary in the middle of a group of unreasonably beautiful people. He catches her eye, waving, and she screams happily - already tipsy, no doubt - and makes her way over.

She hugs him tightly, wild red hair streaming everywhere, and starts talking at lightning speed. “Magnus! I’m so glad you made it here!! Did you have trouble getting in? Have you met anyone yet? Can I introduce you around?”

Magnus laughs despite the uneasy pit in his stomach and pats her back, smiling at her sweetly. “I got in okay! The doorman tried to give me trouble, but some guy vouched for me and he let me in. Um, you can introduce me to a couple of people, I guess. The boy from before is getting me a drink right now - I don’t want to go too far and miss him.”

Clary wiggles her eyebrows at him and teases in a theatrical tone, “- a _boy,_ Magnus? How scandalous!”

Magnus flushes and frowns, thinking of that heart-stopping second when he thought Alec might actually have been going in for a kiss. He shakes his head at the unwelcome thought that Camille might have been right about him and answers. “It’s - not like that. He’s just nice and I want to thank him.”

He continues after a moment, remembering why he’s here in the first place. “Hey, can you get me the study guide?”

Clary smirks at him playfully but nods all the same and promises to grab the packet from her boyfriend’s room before flitting away, quick as a bird.

Alec reappears with a beer in each hand, offers one to Magnus. He takes it and Alec smiles rather sheepishly, a lovely curl to his full lips. “It’s just the cheap stuff, but nothing else was sealed and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Magnus tilts his head at that, holds back a smile at Alec’s nervous expression, and pops the tab of the can before taking a sip. It’s objectively terrible, but something about the earnest way Alec is looking at him makes the bitter taste sweeten on his tongue, and he drinks down the thing in record time.

The idea of liquid courage running through his veins makes him feel a little bold, so Magnus tilts his face up at Alec and uses a cheesy line. Alec looks like the kind of guy who would appreciate a cheesy line.

“So...what’s a guy like you doing in a place like this?”

“I actually live here - rugby captain,” Alec misses his flirtation rather impressively and indicates to himself with a proud smile.

Magnus’s eyes widen in surprise.

He covertly looks Alec up and down when his attention is stolen for a moment, considering. Jocks aren’t usually his type, but Alec’s got this, like, _vibe_ to him. He seems like a good person, like he wouldn't just break Magnus's heart for the fun of it. He’s also got massive hands that Magnus would give anything to feel on his body.

Alec catches Magnus eyeing the way his hand dwarfs the beer can and grins at him, clearly delighted at Magnus’s bright flush.

He’s just opened his mouth to make an excuse for his wandering eyes when someone bumps him from behind, knocking him into Alec’s chest rather roughly. Their cold drink spills over the back of his shirt, and he lets out an undignified yelp. Alec slips an arm around him easily, steadying him, and glares at the clumsy partygoer over his shoulder.

Magnus hears a weak, “sorry man,” and shakes his head, nose wrinkled at both the smell of stale alcohol and the unpleasant chill running down his spine.

Alec grimaces down at him, arm still firmly wrapped around his waist, and apologizes, apparently unaware of the way that Magnus’s heart seems to be trying to escape his chest. “Sorry about that - people get kinda sloppy around here. You need a new shirt?”

Magnus hesitates, picturing something tragically oversized or excessively sporty. Then Alec gestures to the ceiling and says, “my room’s right upstairs,” and Magnus nods before his brain can catch up with his body.

Alec slips his arm from around Magnus’s waist, grabs his hand, and tugs him into the crowd of people. The music is loud enough in this room that Magnus can feel the bass in his bones, but it still can’t drown out the thumping of his heart, the whooshing sound that flows through his ears when Alec turns back to him and smiles, face flushed and eyes glittering.

He follows Alec through what was once likely intended to be a formal dining room but is now being used to play beer pong and the living room, where there are yet more people dancing and drinking, past a closed door where Magnus assumes Alec got their drinks, and finally up the stairs and away from the majority of the people.

The music is much quieter up here and the lights are low, probably to discourage random partygoers from disturbing the rugby players’ bedrooms. Alec raps on the door lightly and turns to Magnus, smiling sheepishly. “It’s better to knock first on nights like this.”

Magnus makes a face, disgusted, and Alec laughs in response. “I’m just kidding - it’s locked.”

Alec pulls a key from his pocket and unlocks the door, swinging it open, and steps inside, beckoning Magnus in behind him. Alec’s bedroom is small but surprisingly cozy - he’s got photos up of his family on the walls, sports memorabilia artfully decorating every available surface, and the twin-sized bed is even made up with tasteful throw pillows.

It’s far nicer than Magnus’s own shared room on campus, with his worn books stacked on the floor and his roommate’s baseball cleats piled all over.

It looks like a place that Alec lives in, rather than just somewhere to crash at the end of the night. Magnus likes it. A lot.

Alec pats the bed and raises his brows playfully, and Magnus smiles and drops his gaze, making his way over. He sits rather shyly at the foot of it and strips off his shirt when Alec offers him a towel, wrapping it around his shoulders and watching while Alec searches his closet for a suitable replacement.

Magnus eventually gets up to look at the photos on the walls and lets the silence settle between the two of them, idly wondering who the blond boy next to Alec in most of the pictures is.

He jumps when Alec speaks from right behind him and brings a hand up to cover where his heart thumps in his chest. “That’s my brother, Jace. He goes here too.” Alec says, seeming to read Magnus’s mind.

“Ah,” Mangus answers shortly, turning to face Alec. Alec is standing a little close, is looming over him slightly. Magnus swallows and quirks a smile at the taller boy, hyperaware of his relative state of undress.

“Here - this might fit you,” Alec takes a half step back and hands Magnus a dark blue tee shirt. It’s not exactly Magnus’s style, but it won’t clash with his admittedly loud pants, and for that he is grateful.

“Trade you.” Magnus lets the towel slip from his shoulders and offers it back to Alec, who steadfastly avoids looking any lower than Magnus’s face, visibly swallowing when their hands brush together. Magnus bites his lip and looks up at Alec through his lashes, gratified when he can tell that the taller boy’s pupils are dilated.

And Magnus may be shy, is possibly a little awkward at times, but he’s done this before. The air between them is heavy, charged.

He knows what desire looks like - and Alec has it written all over his face right now.

So Magnus tilts his face up, lets out a shaky breath at the _want_ surging through his veins, and lets his eyes fall shut when Alec leans in, curves a large hand over his hip. His lips ghost over Magnus’s, close enough to feel his body heat but yet still too far to taste.

It’s heady, and Magnus can feel that the chemistry between them has the potential to build to so much more. He’s hot all over, wants Alec to lay him out on the bed and take him apart.

They both freeze when Magnus’s phone starts going off, a drunk rendition of him shout-singing “Toxic” that Catarina had recorded and set as his notification sound months prior.

Magnus’s face warms and he pulls back, embarrassed. Alec is looking at him with wonderment in his eyes and mirth curling his lips.

“I _do_ know you,” he starts, and Magnus furrows his brow, tilts his head in confusion. “You’re the crying guy!”

Magnus’s stomach drops and his blood goes cold.

Alec is nodding excitedly, but his voice seems to be coming from farther away. It’s tinny, as if they’re speaking through one of those old phones.

“I saw you in the library a couple months ago - I was trying to study and you were crying at your desk. I almost went over to see if you were okay, but then this alarm went off and you just, like, stopped crying and started studying again?? It was wild. I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

“Midterms,” Magnus says weakly, feeling like he’s about to throw up the one beer and half of a burrito bowl currently sitting in his stomach - they’re like lead, weighing him down. That must have been during the immediate aftermath of his and Camille’s break-up. It was. A rough time.

Alec continues, oblivious, and somehow makes it worse. “Yeah, yeah, totally, I get it. I told my sister Izzy about you!”

A terrible sense of numbness crawls all the way to his fingers and toes and Magnus’s heart pounds in his chest, thumping painfully against his ribcage. He nods and responds faintly. “Did you? I have to go. Now. I have to go now.”

He turns abruptly from Alec’s questioning gaze, steps out of his hold, yanks the tee shirt over his head, and beelines out of the room and into the hallway. He has to get out of this godforsaken party.

He ignores Alec’s called out, “- um, okay?” and slams the door behind him, taking the stairs two at a time.

Magnus walks straight out the front door, not sparing a glance towards anyone, uncaring of the fact that he’d left without the only thing he went to the party for in the first place, ignoring the sound of Camille’s laughter in his mind.

—-

Months later, Magnus tilts his head back and laughs at his coworker’s impression of one of their regular customers, a mirthful smile curling his lips. He adores Maia - he admires her sense of humor, bold personality, and staunch refusal to take anyone’s bull.

And yes, she’s has only been working at the Rise ‘n Grind for a few weeks longer than Magnus, but he always looks to her for assistance before asking any of their managers, be it help with a difficult customer, a drink he doesn’t know how to make yet, or anything else he can’t figure out on his own.

Right now she’s heading to the back to grab another bag of espresso beans _(and a quick smoke - don’t say shit, Bane)_ and he’s covering the counter by himself, hoping that he doesn’t get a crowd of people all asking for frappes like he did last week.

His heart stops in his chest when Alec walks in the door surrounded by several people. He hasn’t seen the taller man since that rugby party at the end of fall semester - since spring started, he’s been avoiding the library and any and all sporting events out of a lasting sense of mortification more than the usual disinterest. He guesses that his uncharacteristic streak of luck has just run out.

Magnus pushes away the insane urge to drop down and hide behind the counter, instead plastering on his best customer service smile. Alec’s eyes light up when their gaze meets and he falls to the back of his group of friends.

Magnus takes each of their orders as slowly as he can and makes their drinks, trying to last until Maia gets back so that she can handle Alec - a futile effort, since it’s just drip coffees for the majority of the guys. He tries not to let his hands shake as Alec gets closer and closer to the counter.

“What can I do for you today, sir?” Magnus asks when Alec is finally next in line, avoiding eye contact.

Alec hums and taps the counter lightly, and against his will, Magnus stares at those long fingers, remembers how they felt on his skin. He still feels branded from that night, like there’s something unfinished between the two of them.

He finally trails his gaze up to Alec’s irritatingly handsome face, and feels his cheeks warm when Alec smiles down at him - friendly and, of course, not awkward at all. Great.

“I’ll have...whatever your favorite is.”

And damn if Magnus doesn’t hate that question normally - it’s nearly always a recipe for disaster when a customer won’t tell you what they want. But in this case, he’s still feeling a little sore about Alec recognizing him from one of his lowest moments, and he can’t actually get off anymore without picturing Alec looming over him, dipping down to finally, finally brush their mouths together, and _he’s_ got the power now, not Alec.

So he rings Alec up for the most expensive drink that he can execute half-decently and spins the screen around, wordlessly prompting Alec to pay, and steps to the side, putting it together as efficiently as he can.

Alec keeps up with him, watching curiously as he grinds the espresso beans, and speaks again.

“So you work here now?”

“Yep!” Magnus keeps his tone light and answer short, just as Maia has taught him to do with frustrating customers. Because that’s all Alec is to him.

“Are you still with the Writing Center, or was that just last semester?”

Magnus looks up at that, eyes narrowed. “How do you know I work at the Writing Center?”

Alec has the grace to looks a little embarrassed as he answers, taking the drink offered to him. “I’m in Dr. Lambert’s poetry class right now and she suggested I get someone to look over my work before turning it in. She said you were always great in her class, and she wrote you a recommendation for that job last year.”

Magnus softens at the mention of his favorite professor. He’s got to go visit her during office hours when he gets a chance. He examines Alec’s expression, finding only nerves and hope, and slowly nods. “Yeah, I’m there on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays from five to ten. Most of the time no one comes in, so they just pay me to do my homework.”

Alec nods at him and gives a half smile, brings the drink up to take a sip. “Sounds like a sweet gig.”

Magnus drops his gaze and speaks again, face flushing, and thinks of how hard Dr. Lambert pushed him. She was a great professor and he learned an immense amount in her class, but her comments about his work bordered on discouraging at times. He frowns sympathetically and makes a decision.

“It is. You should, ah, you should come in some time. I can take a look at your stuff.”

“Yeah?” Alec’s little half smile grows until it’s spread across his face, and he nods again, confidence bleeding into his voice. “I’ll do that.”

\---

And against Magnus’s every expectation, Alec actually does. The following Sunday, Magnus is slumped over his desk with his head in his hand, is trying not to fall asleep as the clock ticks ever slower and his last coworker packs up to leave early.

“Hey, am I interrupting?”

Magnus jumps violently at the unexpected voice, heart pounding. Alec is standing in front of his desk, backpack over his shoulder and looking attractively rumpled.

“Um,” Magnus starts eloquently. “N - no, not at all.”

“Okay,” Alec responds and chuckles, and Magnus can’t help but smile up at him. Somehow, when Alec laughs at his own joke, it’s endearing.

An uneven smile curls Alec’s mouth and he rakes a hand through his hair, mussing it further. Heat twists in Magnus’s belly at the sight, and he’s fighting back a flush, staring up at Alec.

“Can I sit?” Alec gestures to the chair across the desk and Magnus blinks rather hard, realizes that he’s failing rather spectacularly at his job.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course! Sit, relax, give me your work, I’ll look it over.”

Alec smiles and gracefully drops down into the chair, digs through his bag, and pulls out a few papers. He pushes them across the desk to Magnus with a shy little smile (that in no way makes Magnus’s heart stutter in his chest) and pulls out his laptop, beginning to tap away almost immediately.

Magnus reads the paper - it’s just a draft analyzing “El Beso” by Angelina Weld Grimké, a lovely poem that he’s impressed to find Alec had the foresight to include a copy of.

But here’s the thing - the paper. It’s _good._ Better than anything else Magnus has seen in the Writing Center by a long shot. He’s not really sure how to improve it at first read, but if Dr. Lambert said that Alec could use Magnus’s help specifically, there must be a reason. So he reads both the paper and the poem over again, looking for something he might’ve missed.

After a couple more read-throughs and a few minutes spent pondering, it clicks.

“Oh, here!” Magnus says excitedly, jolting Alec out of his reverie.

“You spend a lot of time talking about the ‘pain, regret’ line of the poem as if it’s the subject regretting acting on their impulse to kiss the author, but that doesn’t really make sense in the context of the rest of the poem.”

Alec nods slowly and takes the paper back, brow furrowed, and rereads the poem to himself, speaking softly enough that Magnus has to hold his breath to hear it.

He tries not to watch the way Alec’s lips curve around the words, confident and with the familiarity of an old friend. He’s entranced at the sight, a moth caught unaware in the light of Alec’s spell.

“Twilight - and you.” Alec finishes, his piercing hazel eyes on Magnus once again. Magnus ignores the thump of his heart and nods, swallowing against the urge to lean across the table, brush the hair back from Alec’s forehead.

“I - I think the subject might be regretting all the time they spent waiting to make a move.” Magnus says, feeling a little lightheaded. It’s so quiet in this office - it feels like they’re alone in the world.

Alec raises an eyebrow and nods slowly, eyes falling to the page in front of him. He wets his lips before speaking and a shiver runs down Magnus’s spine when he hears the way that the words catch in Alec’s throat.

“It’s about pining, isn’t it? The whole thing.” Alec’s gaze meets his own again, and Magnus feels pinned, a captive specimen that Alec is examining from behind glass.

And Magnus thinks that he must imagine Alec’s voice catching, because when he speaks again, he sounds completely normal.

“How it hurts, but it also, like, feels good. The anticipation that drives you mad until you give in, and then you wonder why you denied yourself in the first place.”

Magnus swallows and nods, tearing his eyes away from Alec’s gaze to look down at his notes. “You got it,” he croaks out, unwilling to lift his face again, afraid of what Alec might see in his expression.

The heavy silence stretches between them for a few seconds, and Magnus can’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t be wildly inappropriate. _That poem could have been written about you. I want you to stretch me out across this desk._ _You’ve been driving me mad since the party._

But saying any of those things would be proving Camille right, and though she’s long gone at this point, he still can’t bring himself to let any of her words about him ring true.

So Magnus lets the moment pass, unfinished. He pushes the rest of the papers back to Alec and clears his throat, pushing away the disappointment in himself, and nods shortly, tone thankfully even and all business when he speaks.

“So I think you’re good here. Take my notes and work on the paper a little bit more, and I’m sure Dr. Lambert will love it.”

“Right - Dr. Lambert. Right.” Alec gathers his papers and shoves them into his backpack haphazardly, jerkily standing from his chair.

Magnus chances a look up at him when he doesn’t move right away, and Alec stands up straighter, seems to come to a decision.

“I need your phone number,” he starts, and Magnus’s brows shoot up. “In case I run into any problems with the rewrite.”

“Right. Of - of course,” Magnus responds, ashamed at the hope that had sprung up in his chest so readily. He scribbles his contact information on a notecard and hands it to Alec, smiling tightly and averting his eyes when their fingers brush together and electricity sparks under his skin.

Magnus stares down at his desk, willing Alec to just turn around and go, leave him to sulk.

After a moment, he gets his wish. Alec clears his throat like he’s about to say something more, then changes his mind, instead just sighing and shuffling his bag on his shoulder, walking away without another word.

Magnus tells himself that he’s glad.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for all of your love on chapter one! you all gave me the strength to finish this one out.
> 
> if you see any mistakes, please let me know! this is unbeta'd, as always.

Alec seems to be everywhere now - or, perhaps, Magnus just knows what to look for. His name is all over the school website, printed neatly across the new resolutions proposed for student government, listed among the star players of both the rugby and archery teams - he’s even pictured on the front page of the Queer Student Union’s page, signature crooked smile and hazel eyes beaming up at Magnus from the screen as he urges any questioning students to join.

Magnus is questioning all right. Perhaps not precisely in the way that Alec means, but still.

It’s Saturday morning when Magnus really starts questioning himself. He and Catarina are bundled in a blanket on the bleachers of one of the smaller fields, waiting for the first official rugby game of the season to start.

It took less convincing than he anticipated to get Cat to come with him - her grad student boyfriend is one of the assistant coaches, and apparently, she knows more than the minimum amount (ball, no padding, hookers?) about the sport.

“So which one is your man?” She nudges him good-naturedly when the players start to come onto the field, pulling him from his early-morning daze.

“None of them!” Magnus hisses, ducking his head when he sees Alec trotting out, cheeks warming. Alec looks good in the uniform, all long legs and broad shoulders. He tosses the ball to a blond boy Magnus recognizes from somewhere.

Catarina follows his line of sight and huffs, sounding put-out. “Jace Wayland? Magnus, I’m so sorry. He’s dating that art prodigy freshman - what was her name? Casey?”

“Clary?” Magnus asks, surprised. As soon as he says it, he realizes where he knows Jace from, and he blurts out, “- oh shit, he’s Alec’s brother!”

Cat pulls back to stare at him, dark eyes calculating. He sends her a warning look, and she claps a hand over her mouth, squealing loudly. “Ohmygod, you’re into Alexander Lightwood!”

Magnus shushes her frantically and looks around, relieved that nobody’s close enough to hear Cat shouting his business all over. He whispers harshly, “I am _not_ into Alexander Lightwood! I just know him is all! I - helped him with a paper last week.”

It’s too late - Cat’s eyes are sparkling and Magnus knows that means an endless headache for him. He turns to stare at the field, where the game has somehow started without his noticing, and tries to ignore her.

A few minutes later, Cat pokes him in the side viciously and he squalls, wiggles away from her. She grabs his wrist and tugs him close, throwing an arm around his shoulders when some people who have just sat down a few rows below turn back to stare at them. “My boyfriend just gets cold! What’re ya gonna do for love and all that, you know!” She calls to them loudly, holding Magnus to her side with an iron grip, and smiles a little too brightly until they turn around again.

“I am _trying_ to give you a pep talk! Stop moving!” She hisses at him and tosses her braids behind her shoulder, eyes flashing with irritation.

Magnus struggles harder and whispers back. “Your pep talks suck! The last one I listened to almost landed me on academic probation!”

“That was _your_ fault! I obviously wasn’t being literal when I told you to steal Calhoun’s grade book! Aren’t you supposed to be a writer? Learn to recognize a metaphor!”

Magnus just glares at her and she loosens her grip enough so that he can breathe comfortably. He crosses his arms and shoots out a _“what?”_

“Look - I don’t personally know Alexander Lightwood, but I’ve heard a lot about him. Ragnor seriously loves the kid, and he doesn’t love anyone.” She pauses, tilts her head. “Well, except me, I guess.”

Magnus just frowns at the field, trying not to stare too overtly at Alexander. Alec. Whatever.

Cat nudges him again, this time gentler than before. “What I’m saying is - he’s a great guy. He’d be good for you.”

Magnus just shakes his head obstinately, refusing to think about the spark he’d felt when their hands had brushed together on Sunday. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

She sighs from next to him, and he sneaks a peek at her. Her dark eyes are still trained on him, sad and serious. “Just don’t stop this before it has a chance to start, Mags. They’re not all gonna be like Camille.”

 _“Don’t.”_ He says tightly, but allows her to tuck him into a warm embrace all the same, resting his head on her shoulder.

They spend the rest of the game actually watching, and Magnus finds to his surprise that he doesn’t hate it. Maybe it’s just the gratuitous amount of thigh, but he’s actually cheering for their team by the end, and he jumps up and down in the bleachers with Cat when they win.

\---

Alexander continues to come see Magnus at the Writing Center every Sunday, handing him a stack of papers at the beginning of each visit. Magnus dutifully reads them, searching for ways to make improvements, but he knows that Alexander is a much better writer than he was at this point in Lambert’s class, and he can only offer the occasional suggestion.

“I’m just saying, you might get more help if you go to the professor directly,” Magnus suggests, wincing when he realizes that he still hasn’t seen her and it’s over halfway through the semester at this point.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll do that,” Alexander answers distractedly, poring over the minor notes Magnus has written on his essay about Yrsa Daley-Ward’s short works. He scribbles something down next to Magnus’s looping script and looks up, eyes clearing for what seems like the first time in hours.

He looks Magnus up and down - well, what he can see from the other side of the desk - and Magnus holds back the shiver that threatens to make its way down his back at the intense focus present in his expression.

His question catches Magnus off-guard.

“Do you like ice cream?”

“Ice cream?” Magnus tilts his head, confused, and something goes soft in Alexander’s eyes.

“Yeah, there’s a fundraiser for the Queer Student Union at Conefection Perfection this Friday and I was wondering if you’d be interested.”

“Conefection Perfection?”

Apparently Magnus has lost the ability to do anything other than repeat what Alexander has just said in a questioning tone.

Alexander rolls his eyes good-naturedly and answers. “I know, stupid name. Their soft-serve is fantastic, though, and they give a really good percentage to the QSU when we partner with them.”

“Maybe -” Magnus pauses when Alexander’s expression falls slightly, and he hears Catarina’s voice speaking to him. _They’re not all gonna be like Camille._  
“I’d love to.” He says, suddenly determined not to ruin his own life. “Is it close?”

A small smile plays about the edges of Alexander’s mouth. “I can pick you up if you need a ride from campus?” He suggests.

“Okay. Text me the details.” Magnus says and flushes, dropping his eyes to the desk quickly.

Alexander packs his papers away and taps the desk a few times before he stands. Magnus can hear the smile in his voice when he says, “I will. Have a good night, Magnus Bane.”

Magnus bites his lip and waves as Alexander saunters away, fighting back the urge to grin goofily.

\---

It turns out, Magnus doesn’t have to wait until Friday to see Alexander again. He comes in to Rise ‘n Grind on Wednesday morning as he often does - this time without his usual group of friends. Magnus waves away Maia when she approaches the counter and smiles shyly up at Alexander.

“What can I do for you today, sir?” He asks, trying not to notice the way that Alexander’s rugby shirt stretches over his arms.

“Ah, just the usual - you know what I like.” Alexander grins at him and pays when Magnus flips the screen around to him, following Magnus when he slides over to the espresso machine.

“That I do,” Magnus says absently, heart fluttering when Alexander scrunches his hand through his hair, futilely trying to push it back from his face. He makes the drink, much more efficient than when Alexander first started coming in, and hands it over, watching expectantly as he takes the first sip.

Alexander sighs when it goes down and opens his eyes, meeting Magnus’s gaze. “You’re really good at that,” he says.

“Well, that’s why I’m at college!” Magnus answers too brightly, trying to cover how giddy he is from the compliment, and Alexander pauses for a moment, blinking.

Then Magnus starts to laugh and Alexander joins in, cheeks flushing attractively.

When their giggles die down, Alexander is looking at him rather fondly. Magnus drops his gaze to the espresso machine and starts wiping it down, suddenly desperate for anything to do other than stare at the boy in front of him.

“I’m looking forward to Friday,” Alexander says, and Magnus stops what he’s doing, looks back up at him.

“Me too,” he manages and swallows, face heating.

Alexander nods at him and gives a little half wave as he turns, throws an, “I’ve got to get to class,” over his shoulder, and slips away casually, leaving Magnus more than a little thrown off.

When he’s gathered himself, he looks over at Maia. She’s got this ridiculously exaggerated smile on her face and is shooting him a double thumbs-up from where she’s standing by the register.

“No.” He points the rag at her. “Not you _and_ Catarina. I need you on my side.”

She laughs and clears the transaction from the screen, shaking her head. “Look - all I’m gonna say is: this flirting thing? Keep doing it. He’s the best tipper we’ve got, and my paycheck thanks you. Go on the date. Shit, sleep with him for all I care. You don’t have to _marry_ him.”

Magnus rolls his eyes and turns away, face burning. “It’s not a date,” he says. “It’s just a fundraiser for his club.”

He ignores Maia when she responds, “Sure. Fundraiser. Totally.”

\---

Magnus’s hands are shaking as he gets dressed on Friday evening. He tells himself it’s just because he’s going to meet the other members of the QSU, and he wants to make a good impression since they’re Alexander’s friends, but he keeps wondering what Alexander tastes like and getting distracted. He’s buttoned his shirt incorrectly three times in the last five minutes.

Finally, after far too long, his roommate takes pity on him. Meliorn slides off the bed gracefully and smacks his hands away, lips pursed and brow raised judgmentally. He makes minor adjustments to Magnus’s outfit - rolling his sleeves to the elbow, unbuttoning the two highest buttons, mussing his hair artfully, even taking off one of his own necklaces to place on Magnus.

After a few moments, he steps back and eyes his work critically. Magnus stays still, afraid to say something stupid and invoke his roommate’s ire.

Another moment spend considering and Mel furrows his brow, grabs a compact and makeup brush from his desk, stepping in close. He tilts his head and sweeps powder over the high points of Magnus’s face, pulling back and nodding when he’s finished.

“Perfect,” he says simply, and gestures towards the mirror for Magnus to look.

Magnus is captivated by what he sees. Everywhere that Meliorn’s brush touched has a gold sheen, looks almost wet. It’s highlighter, Magnus distantly realizes, recognizing it from Cat’s date night looks.

It looks good on him. Great, even.

He leans back from the mirror when his phone chimes. It’s Alexander. He looks up and meets Mel’s eyes. They share a soft little smile and Magnus tries to thank him, but Meliorn just hands him his wallet and ushers him out of the room, telling him to have a good night.

Magnus forces himself to walk down the stairs slowly, say hello to his RA when he gets to the lobby. His heart is pounding in his chest and his palms are sweating, and he has the insane urge to run back upstairs, hide under his covers. He ignores it, breathes in deeply before opening the door and stepping outside.

Alexander is sitting on top of one of the picnic tables near the front of the building and jumps down to say hello.

He freezes for a second when he sees Magnus, and Magnus immediately worries that he and Meliorn went over the top. Then a smile curls over his features and he speaks.

“You look -” he cuts himself off, flushing lightly. “Yeah. Great. You look great.”

Magnus bites his lip and looks to the ground, holding back a goofy smile. “Thanks. You look nice as well, Alexander.”

He raises his brows at that, surprised. “Alexander?”

Magnus shuts his eyes, embarrassment curling in his gut. “...Alec. Sorry. I just…” He trails off lamely, unsure of what excuse to give.

Alec tilts his head and nudges his shoulder, smiling sweetly. “Hey - I like it when you say it.”

Magnus meets his gaze, eyes searching. “Okay,” he acquiesces after a moment, a small smile curling his mouth, and follows when Alexander starts leading him to the car.

“Just don’t start throwing my middle name out there. ‘Alexander’ is one thing. ‘Alexander Gideon’ is something else entirely.”

\---

In hindsight, it might have been a date. Magnus just. Isn’t sure.

Catarina glares when he tells her as much, though, so he tries to give her more details than just that.

Yes, Alexander picked him up. Yes, Alexander paid for his ice cream. No, they didn’t kiss. No, Alexander didn’t quote-unquote “try anything.”

“Seriously, Cat, we were with the QSU kids like the whole time. He’s probably just trying to get me to join his club.”

Magnus doesn’t tell her about _after_ the fundraiser, when they’d driven out to the edge of town, had sat on the hood of Alec’s car and looked up at the stars for several hours, pointing out constellations to each other and speaking softly.

Magnus had told Alec about his childhood, about growing up in different group homes, about his foster brother Raphael, and how he still regrets losing contact with the younger boy.

Alec had told Magnus about coming out to his parents at an early age, about how his father had taken all of his hopes for Alec and had transferred them to Jace and Izzy overnight.

They talked about their dreams, about who they wanted to be in the future, about what kind of impact they wanted to leave on the world.

So no, they didn’t kiss. But perhaps Magnus fell a little bit in love anyway.

\---

Magnus groans and falls back against Alec’s pillows, throwing his arm over his eyes. He’s just gotten another answer wrong.

Alec laughs lightly and Magnus peeks out from under his arm, studying the other boy. He’s dressed comfortably in sweats, is shuffling the notecards that Magnus painstakingly created - no doubt looking for a new biology topic to torture him with - with his back against the wall and his long legs stretched out across the bed horizontally.

Magnus is sitting cross-legged at the top of the bed, notes scattered haphazardly around him, also dressed down in a tee shirt and athletic shorts. He’s asked Alec to help him study for his zoology final since Catarina is busy ‘writing her thesis’ or whatever. He’s pretty sure she made that up since she’s a nursing major, but he’s not about to risk calling her on it.

Alec interrupts his thoughts, eyes lighting up as he reads yet another card. “Pair bonding.”

“Oh!” Magnus knows this one. “That’s when two animals establish a strong bond -”

“You can’t use the word in the definition, Magnus.”

“Oh my _god_ -” Magnus pulls a pillow from behind him and thumps Alec with it, laughing when Alec easily yanks it from his grip and tucks it between his back and the wall.

And Magnus hates how his stomach flips when Alec grins victoriously at him, all smug eyes and sing-song voice. “You thought you had me, but you played yourself! Now I’m _more_ comfortable than before! Pair bond, go!”

“Um,” he starts again, holding back a smile and looking unseeingly at his notes, heart thumping in his chest. “It’s when two animals mate and stay together. Like, they raise their offspring as a family and take care of each other and grow old together. Mating for life - like those penguins do.”

When Alec doesn’t immediately whack him with the notecard and proclaim him wrong, Magnus scrunches his brow, leans forward to pull it from his hands. Alec is just kind of staring at him, holding the card loosely between his fingers.

“Was that right -?”

And suddenly, Magnus knows what Alexander Lightwood tastes like.

He makes a surprised noise and brings his hands up to curl around Alec’s shoulders, wind his fingers through the too-long hair at the nape of his neck.  Alec’s lips press against his, soft and insistent, and Magnus can’t do anything but melt into it.

Alec is leaning awkwardly to kiss him and he shifts, keeps a large hand on Magnus’s jaw to hold them steady, and brings himself up onto his knees so that he’s looming over Magnus.

Magnus scoots down the bed when Alec tugs on his wrist, and Alec settles over him, a reassuring weight between his legs. He opens the kiss and Magnus feels a frisson of electricity skitter down his spine at the sensation of Alec’s tongue against his own.

“Oh my god -”

Magnus’s head falls back and he rolls his hips when Alec moves to plant kisses along his jaw and down his neck. His cock slides against Alec’s, just two thin pieces of fabric separating them, and it’s all he can do to keep from coming immediately.

Heat curls low in his belly and his heart rate jumps when Alec gets to his neck, sucks a mark against his pulse point. Alec bites against the bruise lightly, and heat pools beneath the skin, sending Magnus’s head spinning.

He lets out a helpless moan and pushes lightly against Alec’s chest, sitting up when the taller boy moves back and settles on his knees between Magnus’s legs.

Alec’s face is ashen and a serious frown pulls at his lips. He starts, “I should’ve asked -”

“Take your clothes off.” Magnus interrupts, tugging his own shirt over his head and hooking his thumbs over the waistband of his shorts. “If we’re doing this, I’m not coming in my pants like a fifteen year old.”

“Oh -” Alec gapes for a second, watches Magnus wriggle out of his shorts before he starts moving, undressing sloppily and quickly.

The bottom of Magnus’s stomach drops when he sees Alec’s cock for the first time, thick and hard, curved slightly to the right. His mouth waters at the sight. “Congratulations - _Jesus Christ.”_

Alec flushes and ducks his head, a dimple appearing in his cheek. “Um, thanks, I guess. I have - stuff, if you want.”

Magnus tears his eyes up to meet Alec’s questioning gaze and swallows, nodding his head. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want. I definitely want.”

A true smile breaks over Alec’s features at that and he curls a hand around Magnus’s jaw, draws him in for another kiss. This one is slower, deeper. Magnus’s head is spinning with Alec’s languid movements and he doesn’t notice he’s falling backward until his head hits the pillow.

He lets out a little gasp when Alec trails his other hand down his side, curves his fingers into the soft flesh of Magnus’s waist. Alec smiles against his mouth and pulls back, ignoring Magnus’s annoyed sound and grabbing hands to open the drawer of his bedside table, digging around for a moment.

Alec pulls out a condom and a bottle of lube, popping it open. He eyes the way that Magnus swallows and braces himself and spreads the gel over his fingers. “Hey, you’ve done this before, right?”

Despite himself, Magnus feels a hot flush creep over his face. “Yeah, of course.”

Alec raises a brow and trails his finger over the inside of Magnus’s thigh. Magnus twitches at the soft touch and stutters. “I - I mean, it’s been a while, but yeah.”

Alec tilts his head at that and slows his hand.

“I had an ex,” Magnus continues, dropping his gaze. He folds his hands together, comforting himself as he feels the arousal start to drain away. “She liked to, uh, do that. I know it hurts. I can handle it.”

“Magnus - ?” Alec pulls away completely and Magnus is stricken, pulls further into himself. Alec wipes his hand on the sheets under them and tugs Magnus back up into a sitting position, covering Magnus’s hands with his own and drawing his gaze back up. “It’s not supposed to hurt.”

Magnus swallows and lets Alec pull him into an embrace, melts into it immediately. Alec speaks again, softly. “What else did she do?”

Magnus answers into the skin of Alec’s neck, hating how safe he feels in Alec’s arms, how different it is from how he feels the rest of the time. “It never got, like, bad. She just liked it rough. And she said things sometimes. I’m fine, really - it’s been over for a long time.”

Alec’s voice is a low rumble that Magnus can feel reverberating in his chest. “I’m so sorry that any of that happened to you, Magnus.”

Magnus furrows his brow when he sees Alec pull back to put away the condom and lube. “What are you doing?” He asks.

Alec squints at him and slows. “We’re not doing this tonight.”

The frustrated knot in Magnus’s stomach tenses and he frowns. “Why not?”

“I’m not gonna _hurt_ you, Magnus.”

Magnus places a hand over Alec’s and he speaks, low and genuine. “I know you won’t - I trust you, Alexander.”

Alec’s eyes soften at that and he pauses, considering.

“You can go slow?” Magnus suggests, warmth curling in his belly as he thinks about Alec taking his time. “Show me how good it can be?”

Alec shuts his eyes and he swallows. His hand tightens around Magnus’s and he stands abruptly, pulling the shorter man up. “C’mon, we can - shower.”

Magnus nods and follows, taking the robe Alec offers to wrap around himself, smiles when Alec winds a towel around his waist and shrugs.

Alec peeks out into the hall and tugs Magnus by the hand, moving quickly while there’s no one around. A giggle bubbles up in his chest when Alec locks the bathroom door behind them and looks relieved.

He starts the shower and turns back to Magnus, stepping into his space. “What’re you laughing at?” Alec says in a low voice, dipping his head down and curling his hands around Magnus’s waist.

Their noses are close enough to brush together, and Magnus can see the green and gold flecks in Alec’s eyes, could count every eyelash if he wanted to. “You,” he says softly, pulse hammering in his veins. He breathes in and closes the distance between them, hands coming up to cradle Alec’s face, knees wobbling at the slide of their lips together.

Alec unties his robe and Magnus lets go of his face long enough to shrug out of it, stumbles along as Alec pulls him into the shower by his waist. The water is just the right side of too hot, and Magnus sighs against Alec’s mouth, winds his fingers in the hair on Alec’s chest.

“Can you turn around for me?” Alec asks, eyes sliding down Magnus’s body, setting him alight.

Magnus nods and turns, ducking his head so that his face isn’t hit by the hot spray. He braces a hand on the shower wall and sets his feet farther apart. He twitches, surprised, when Alec touches him on the shoulders instead of where he’s expecting. Alec huffs out a small laugh at his reaction and sets to work, massaging the muscles in Magnus’s shoulders and back with his soapy hands.

He presses deeply enough that Magnus sways on his feet, has to lean heavily against the wall, heat licking at the inside of his veins. Alec works out a particularly tight knot and his knees go weak, pleasure curling in his stomach. Magnus lets out a hoarse moan as a little shock skitters down his back, and he whines when Alec’s hands slow.

“Touch me.”

Alec steps up close behind him and he leans back, lets his eyes fall shut. “Please,” he says, and Alec nods against his neck, reaches down and wraps a hand around his erection. Magnus jolts at that, turns his head to press his face against Alec’s.

Alec gives him a good stroke and the pleasure pulses, curling his toes.

He places his hand on Alec’s, stilling it. He opens his eyes to meet Alec’s confused gaze and swallows.

“Inside of me, please.”

Alec sucks in a breath and blinks slowly, then nods. “Relax.” He commands softly, and Magnus can’t do anything but obey.

Despite his earlier words, when Alec slips a finger inside, Magnus is still expecting pain first, pleasure later, if he’s lucky. Instead of hurting, however, it’s just - strange.

“Is this okay?” Alec pants into his ear, his other hand clutching Magnus’s waist tightly. Magnus shivers at the strain in Alec’s voice, at the sweet stretch inside of his body, and nods.

“More? Please,” he adds, hot arousal puncturing the warmth settled heavily in his bones. Alec slides a second finger in and Magnus nods, urging him on. It’s different - so different from anything he’s ever experienced before.

Then Alec curls his fingers and touches something deep inside Magnus, and his vision whites out, his back arches. “Ohmygod,” he breathes and presses back against Alec’s fingers, searching it out again.

“You like that?” Alec asks in a low, rough voice, and brushes against it, catching Magnus when he stumbles.

The sharp pleasure spreads and simmers under the surface of his skin, and Magnus needs more - needs Alec. “Please,”  he starts, and turns in Alec’s grip, letting the fingers slide out of him. “I want you, I’m ready, please.”

Alec looms over him, face flushed and hair dripping, and swallows, breathing heavily. “Yeah,” he says, and reaches around Magnus to turn the water off. “I want you too.”

\---

Haphazardly drying off and stumbling back to Alec’s bedroom is a blur, and Magnus doesn’t really come back into himself until Alec pins him against the wall, brushes their lips together much too softly.

He whines and rolls his hips, head thumping back against the wall when their cocks slide together. “C’mon,” he groans, tension thrumming in his veins, and curls his hand around the back of Alec’s neck, draws him in close. Alec keeps slowing down, touching him gently, and Magnus needs more.

“I want you to fuck me, Alexander.” Magnus whispers into Alec’s mouth, and is rewarded when Alec’s eyes drop shut and he shudders, curving his hands under Magnus’s ass to haul him into his arms.

Magnus wraps his arms around Alec’s shoulders and yelps, a little thrill running through his veins when Alec drops him onto the bed. He holds on, forcing Alec to stay close, and pulls him in for another kiss. He’s throbbing between his legs now, needs Alec to touch his cock, needs Alec to fuck him.

Alec kisses him deeply, all passion and warmth and joy, and Magnus’s eyes roll back into his head with the emotion of it. Then he pulls back and picks up the condom and lube from the bedside table, hands shaking. He tears the wrapper, rolls it on, and pauses one more time, awe in his eyes as he looks down at Magnus.

Magnus flushes at the weight of Alec’s gaze and he hides a smile behind his hand. Alec shakes his head and takes hold of it, winding their fingers together.

“You don’t have to hide from me,” he whispers, eyes bright, a sweet smile curling the edges of his lips.

Magnus lets the smile overtake his face and he tugs Alec down with his free hand, kisses him deeply. It’s messier than before - their teeth clack together - but it still makes Magnus’s stomach clench and his thighs shake.

“Please,” he says when Alec pulls back, and Alec fumbles with the lid of the lube, finally gets it open. Alec breathes out an _okay,_ and slicks himself, lines up with Magnus’s entrance.

“You’ll tell me if you need me to stop, yeah?” Alec asks, free hand rubbing over Magnus’s hipbone.

Magnus rolls his eyes in answer and Alec laughs, despite himself. He presses in slowly and it’s like every nerve in Magnus’s body has woken up all at once. The stretch is more than he’s ever felt before, and the heat - Alec is so _hot_ inside of him. It’s never been like this before.

Magnus had no idea it could be like this.

The pain is nothing - nothing! - at all compared to the pleasant stretch, the friction is smoothed away by the lubrication that Alec used, and Alec brings his free hand over to caress Magnus’s erection, yanking a weak shout from his chest.

“Move,” he manages, and Alec obeys. He pulls out and thrusts back in, dragging over Magnus’s prostate with the head of his cock. Magnus goes taut at that, eyes fluttering against the pleasure reverberating in his bones.

Alec shifts to thrust comfortably and he’s not hitting Magnus’s prostate head-on anymore - he’s brushing against it lightly with each stroke, making Magnus’s toes curl, sending little pulses of pleasure through his entire body.

He’s already close, embarrassingly so - the hot coil of arousal in his stomach is growing, jumping with every roll of Alec’s hips. Then Alec starts stroking him in time with his thrusts, and Magnus is coming undone, too tightly wound to hold off any longer.

It’s far too soon, but he can’t stop it, the waves of his orgasm knocking his head back against the pillow, and he spills over Alec’s knuckles, clenches around his cock, the pleasure turning sharp and shooting through his limbs, leaving him boneless and sated.

Alec lets go of his hand, thrusts a few more times raggedly, and he’s coming too, pulsing inside of Magnus, leaning on his arm.

Magnus wiggles after a few moments, decidedly sticky and a little uncomfortable. Alec gets his message and pulls out, wincing at the drag, and slumps to the side, squashing them together in the too-small bed.

He rests an arm heavily over Magnus’s middle, sighing, and Magnus turns, a spark of giddiness in his chest.

Alec looks at him, endearingly sincere, and admits, “I’ve been on edge since you came in wearing my shirt.”

\---

Two weeks later, it’s finals, and Magnus is fine. He’s fine.

He just hasn’t heard from Alec at all. Not once. Not a text or a phone call or an impromptu visit during his hours at the Writing Center or even the occasional drink ordered at Rise ‘n Grind, but it’s fine. It really is.

See, he knows that he should have expected this. Camille always said that people just wanted to use him, that there’s something in his face that says he’s weak.

And now Magnus knows to believe her, and he’s fine.

He ignores the RA as he walks past the front desk, guilt curling in his stomach immediately after, and he has to resist the urge to turn around and apologize.

He sulks the rest of the way up to his room and unlocks the door, freezing in the entryway.

Maia, Catarina, and Meliorn are all sitting on his bed, looking expectantly at him.

Magnus takes a step backward and closes the door, deciding that perhaps he _will_ go hang out with the RA after all.

He walks casually down the hallway and starts sprinting when he hears the door open behind him. Maia is fast, but he knows this building like the back of his hand, and he slips through a doorway and into a disused stairwell, jumping down the stairs two at a time.

Magnus’s triumphant grin fades when he wrenches the stairwell door open to Catarina standing on the other side, looking unamused. She grabs him by the collar and pulls him along behind as she starts back up to his room.

“Okay - okay! I won’t run, just stop stretching my shirt!” He fusses and smacks her hand away, frowning mightily at his friend.

Meliorn is right behind when he checks over his shoulder and Magnus jumps, shocked that he didn’t hear his roommate sneak up on him.

Mel raises his brows, urging Magnus along, and speaks. “You can try to hide, but we will always find you, Bane. We know you.”

Magnus clenches his jaw and says nothing, rolling his eyes at Maia’s grin when they get back to his room and Meliorn keys them in.

This time, Magnus is sat on Meliorn’s desk chair and the other three all pile onto Mel’s bed so that they’re between him and the door. He considers escaping through the window for a second, but Meliorn follows his eye line and interrupts his thought. “Third floor windows don’t open, friend.”

Magnus huffs out a breath and crosses his arms, glaring at his friends. “Okay. What?”

Cat speaks first, and Magnus immediately knows that she came up with this whole thing. “You need to tell us what happened.”

He opens his mouth to talk, and she raises her hand, stopping him.

 _“Don’t_ just say he doesn’t like you. That’s bullshit and you know it.”

He starts. “He _doesn’t_ like me -”

Maia interrupts him, shaking her head. “I’ve seen you two together, Mags - he worships the ground you stand on.”

Magnus decides to try a different tactic. “I’m _fine,_ guys -”

Meliorn blinks sadly at him. “We know you’ve been crying at the Rise ‘n Grind.”

Magnus doesn’t have an answer for that. He turns to Maia, who shrugs guiltily. “Your alarm is loud. And you keep getting the bags of espresso beans wet. I had to make something up about the ceiling leaking when the manager asked about it, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t believe me.”

“So,” Cat begins, drawing his attention again. “We all care about you, and we want to help, but we can’t if you won’t tell us what’s going on.”

Magnus sighs and looks at the ground in front of him. At least their room is clean. He starts talking, and this time his friends let him finish. “We slept together and he just. Stopped coming to see me. Or, like, texting me. At all. I think - I think Camille was right. He was just using me.”

Cat starts, sounding frustrated. “He wasn’t -”

Maia places a hand on hers and shakes her head gently. She slides off of the bed and kneels in front of Magnus, catching his eye. “Why do you think he would have been using you?”

Magnus tries to smile at her and speaks around the lump rising in his throat. “He had me help him with his writing for his poetry class.”

Meliorn snorts at that, drawing both of their attention. He raises his brows when Cat frowns at him and speaks. “Sorry, that is just silly. I am in that class with him - the professor has raved about his papers since the very beginning of the semester, before he ever went to see you. She made an announcement to the whole class to visit you, yes, but she would not have told him that he needed help.”

“Well.” Magnus starts, thrown off, and lets another of the poisonous thoughts that have been swirling around his mind for the past two weeks out. “Maybe he wanted to be able to get his coffee at a discount.”

Maia flatly answers him. “You’ve been overcharging him for months.”

“What?”

“You charge him for a four shot iced dirty and only give him two.” Maia pauses and looks at him for a moment. “I thought you were doing it on purpose - you’re just really bad at this job, huh?”

Magnus frowns at her. He thought that his friends were supposed to be making him feel better.

“Plus,” she continues, “he always tips like six dollars on a five dollar drink. Trust me - he’s not trying to save money by wooing you.”

“Huh.” Magnus stops and thinks. “He just wanted to sleep with me?”

“That’s possible,” Cat acquiesces. “How did he act after you guys fucked?”

“How would I know that?” Magnus asks, surprised that Catarina has asked such a silly question.

“What do you mean?” Cat’s eyes narrow and both Meliorn and Maia stare at him hard.

“I left right after he fell asleep. How would I know what he did or told his friends?”

The room becomes eerily quiet, and Magnus’s eyes dart between each of his closest friends. Meliorn is frowning at his hands, uncomfortable. Cat’s got her eyes shut and she’s rubbing her temples. Maia is still crouched in front of him and she looks so, so sad.

Finally Catarina breaks the silence, opening her eyes. “Camille had you do that, didn’t she.”

It’s not really a question, but Magnus nods his head anyway. He’s confused, a little upset with how concerned everyone looks.

Maia speaks quietly, drawing his gaze. “Sometimes,” she starts, breathing in. “Sometimes the things that we’re made to do when we’re in an abusive relationship aren’t actually normal outside of that experience.

“Jordan always made me send him my location and a photograph of who I was with when we weren’t together. If I was out at a party and I didn’t respond right away, he’d get. You know.”

Magnus drops his gaze at that. He does know. Camille did the same thing.

She breaths out and smiles at him, tightening her grip on his hand. “When I started to do that with Rebecca, she couldn’t figure out why. It took weeks before she asked me about it, and I was shocked that she wasn’t worried I was gonna cheat on her.

“See - I didn’t give her a chance to be different. Jordan - he did what he did to me. And it’s okay that I still hurt about it sometimes. But I had to learn to talk about it. That’s the only way to make the hurt go away.”

Magnus nods again, swallows roughly around the painful knot in his chest.

“Perhaps try to talk to Alec again,” Meliorn suggests gently. When Magnus stays quiet, he continues. “If that does not work, you could join my team.”

Magnus snaps his head up at that. Mel doesn’t mean the baseball team. It’s a well-known secret that he’s in a poly relationship with at least half a dozen other students. They refer to it as the “team” for discretion’s sake, but Magnus lives with him. He’s heard (and seen) a great many of Meliorn’s encounters.

Meliorn glances at Cat, who has been staring at him intensely, and ventures, “...wrong time?”

She nods, mouth set in a tight line. Magnus can’t help but respond. “Right energy, though. Thanks man.”

\---

Three days later and Magnus is back on the front steps of that damn house. He’s holding an iced dirty chai in one hand and is knocking insistently with the other. His friends were right. He’s got to at least try to fix this.

Raj opens the door and Magnus groans internally.

“Back again -”

Magnus pushes him aside, throwing a “fuck _off,_ Raj,” over his shoulder as he trots through the house, making his way up the stairs as quickly as he can.

He throws Alec’s door open, all dramatic, and freezes. Alec is standing in the middle of the room with his arms crossed, talking to a lovely woman to whom he bears a striking resemblance. A handsome man is boxing up the last of the items from Alec’s desk.

All three turn to look at Magnus at once, and he fights the familiar urge to run.

The woman is the first to move, noticing the way that Alec’s previously tense expression has gone immediately soft. She steps back, smiles at him. “Luke and I are going to take this stuff down to the car, maybe grab a bite to eat.”

The man - Luke, Magnus assumes - shoots her a confused look as he lifts the box. “Shouldn’t we bring Alec with us if we’re going to lunch?”

She nudges him forward and smiles sweetly at Magnus as they pass by. He hears her say, “we’ll just check on Jace, then,” when they’re out in the hall, and he pushes back a smile, slowly closes the door behind him.

“Hi,” Alec breathes out, and Magnus steps up close to him, heart hammering in his chest.

And he’s forgotten all of the things that he planned to say with Meliorn, Maia, and Cat, so he just shoves the drink at Alec and stumbles out a, “here. It’s your favorite.”

Alec looks blankly at it and answers. “Thanks, I actually hate it.”

Magnus stares at him, uncomprehending. “You’ve spent like three hundred dollars on them this semester.”

“Yeah, about that.” Alec looks well and truly embarrassed for once in his life, and Magnus can’t even enjoy it. He’s too confused.

“See, I made my friends go to Rise ‘n Grind because I saw you in there, and then suddenly I was standing at the counter and you were waiting for me to order, and I just panicked and asked what you liked. Then I kept coming back because you smiled at me every time and I couldn’t just _stop._ And now I’m addicted to caffeine and it’s been like two weeks, so -” Alec takes the drink from his hand and sips it, grimacing at the taste.

Magnus tilts his head, unable to process what Alec has just told him.

Alec takes another sip and shakes his head, muttering _terrible_ under his breath, and addresses Magnus again. “Why did you leave?”

Magnus tries to answer but his voice catches in his throat. He swallows and starts again. “I thought - I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“Why -” Alec cuts himself off and closes his eyes.

Magnus continues in a smaller voice, suddenly worried that he’s got it all wrong, that Alec doesn’t actually like him. “Is that what you wanted?”

Alec’s eyes snap open at that, and he sounds uncharacteristically serious when he answers. “That’s not what I want. At all. I want to be with you - all the time. When you’re happy, and when you’re sad, and when I’m happy, and when I’m sad -”

Magnus leans up on his toes and kisses Alec full-on, interrupting his rambles.

It’s not their best kiss. Magnus’s balance is rather precarious, their teeth clack together hard enough to be painful, and Alec tastes like an iced dirty chai, which is definitely not Magnus’s favorite.

But. It’s perfect in spite of - or perhaps _because_ of - all of those things. Because it’s real, and it’s happening, and it’s them.

And then Alec winds his free arm around Magnus’s waist and they get into a good rhythm and Magnus’s toes are curling in his shoes and suddenly the door opens and they jump apart, cheeks red and lips redder, and approximately everyone in the world is staring at them.

Well, maybe not everyone, Magnus concedes, but it’s a lot of people.

Alec’s mom and Luke and Jace and Clary, who’s grinning at Magnus like a fool, making him flush harder.

“Not like that, huh?” She mocks good-naturedly, and Magnus can’t bring himself to sneer at her, so strong are the butterflies beating against his ribcage.

“Alec, you didn’t tell us you have a boyfriend!” Alec’s mother says with a smile in her voice, and he and Magnus lock eyes.

“It’s pretty new,” Magnus answers without looking away, and Alec just winds their hands together, lips swollen and eyes soft.

 

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment. you all help me out so much, you have no idea.
> 
> (for anyone curious, maia is doing a little bit of cognitive behavioral therapy with magnus - instead of just telling him that his intrusive thoughts are wrong, she's addressing them one by one and is letting magnus be the one to realize that they're not logical. it's likely something she learned in therapy post-jordan)


End file.
